Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Crosstrainapalooza - Part II

So part one covered my favorite cross training: Paddleboard and Yoga. Part II is designated for the "well that was fun" and "why is the clock not moving faster" classes I've been to...

1. Suspension Training aka TRX - 
These classes use suspension bands and ropes designed to use your fat ass against you. You pull, push, suspend and lean every meal you've had in the last 48 hours against these ropes and recall with vivid hatred the swim workout you're paying double for now. 
Slow motion bend and snap

I enjoyed this workout and it's twist on traditional muscle building. Planking is much harder when you're suspended a foot above the ground and still trying not to fart. If you're one of those 12 egg whites a day strength addict types, you'll probably love this. For me  it goes in the "well that was fun...I'll go back if my friends go" category for the following reasons:

Con #1 - The little holes you put your body parts into are great if you were born with only arms. Luckily I ended up with these crazy things attached to my hips that I spent an abundant amount of time getting into these freakin loops just so I could do 10 push ups before I switched to another position. 
Con #2 - This doesn't seem beginner athlete friendly, not that the instructors aren't nice, incredibly so in fact. But you've already got to be relatively svelte and with a decent core to get up and in some positions. The "I wanna get in shape" crowd could end up spending half the class on the floor without having a strength or weight loss base. 
Con #3 - This stems off part 2... if you're not in shape and your arms, legs, body gives out you're gonna "funniest home videos" face smack on the floor and although that's awesome to me cause I'm not adverse to the always classy point and laugh, it's probably not so fun to feel. Stamped: unsafe fall zone. 

2. Barre -
This class incorporates the ballet bar into a workout routine and it's the new workout craze, or so I've been told.
If only this strap was a fruit roll up...Nom nom...

This class was indeed a workout. I took breaks, I skipped a rep or 2 from muscle fatigue and I felt my glutes the next morning when I went to have my morning "carbo-unload". We did work using resistance bands, pilates balls, medicine balls, yoga moves, isometrics, weights, hip hop booty moves, shoot what didn't we do. The class moves relatively quick and tends to make you push through as many reps of a position as you can and then hold it to really sink in that burning sensation (kind of like exercise herpes).

I only have 2 cons for this class and they're not really about the quality of workout at all.. but they're deal breakers:
Con #1 - Only slightly male friendly. This class does not steer men away, there were 2 in my class, but quite a few of the moves are geared towards women specifically. Seeing a guys face turn uneasy and uncomfortable hits my "unlike" button. 
Con #2 - Price. Across the board the average price for a 55 minute barre method class is $22. An unlimited month is $100-150. Now for any regularly active person with regularly active bills that's absurd. I'm not about to pay half of my monthly gym membership to be able to put my leg up on your fancy wooden pole, not even if it vibrated!

3. Strip Aerobics
Ok so I did not venture to do the pole dancing... I'm a klutzy human being as it is, so breaking myself trying to slide down the non-proverbial pole didn't sound like a good time. Maybe if they set up some of those bowling bumper lanes underneath I'll give it a (pun intended) spin. I did try some sexy floor moves and a lap dancing course.
Can you make me a sandwich too hun??
The floor moves were fun... think Zumba but way less flaily and way more why isn't my sexy face working?!? Both courses had you smacking your own butt a lot, whipping your hair around and feeling yourself up more than your 6th grade crush. At some moments you feel super HOT and others super awkward (see: feeling yourself up in a room full of strangers). This class goes into the "one time fun"category and here's why:

Con #1 - This is a BIGGIE - I did not feel like I got a workout. I shuffled my feet a bit but I barely broke a sweat and didn't feel like I was working any major muscles so not really cardio, not really strength and not really much in between except more butt smacking.
Con #2 - Estrogen only. They're not about to shoo men away but there's also not men lining up at the door for these classes. I like what testosterone brings to exercise venues, it pushes me and it's good to look at. Thumbs down.
Con #3 - Not practical moves. If I had gone home, sat my man down on a chair and started the new dance routine I'd just learned I would've kicked him in the face, stepped on his sacagawea and hair whipped him multiple times before asking if he's hot for me. What's the point of sexy dance class if it sends penises into witness protection??

If there's any type of exercise or class you want me to review shoot me a note...I'm willing to make an ass out of myself in the name of science or sport or hell anything really... 


  1. And . . . the only thing I got out of this post was the straps need to be fruit roll ups! haha I've been trying to figure out how to supplement my crazy running schedule and I think I'm going back to rock climbing. Great upper body and core work!

  2. Rock climbing is great. If you like that you'd probably like the TRX or the paddleboarding from Part I