A Triathlete's Christmas Wish...

Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate that's overshadowed by shinny balls and a fat man looking for hoes, is a particularly interesting time of year. 

A set of weeks that can be hard on people who are desperately trying to buy the right gift, make the right craft or scramble for a last minute purchase of whatever the hell's left (oh look, a battery powered toothbrush, she'll love this!!). If you're a triathlete though, you can go ahead and tell your family "you're welcome"... cause it's so terribly easy to spend money on you. If you practice the threesome of sport you also carry a want list that's three times as long.... guaran-fuckin-teed!! 

So what are some hot products on the average triathlete's wish lists this year?? Here they are, in order from cheap as heck to you better be a trophy wife....

From welfare grandma: 

Gu, chomps or whatever other form of energy you hold near and dear to your heart. These little babies are great as stocking stuffers because who doesn't blow through packs of these quicker than a fat kid at halloween? At about $1.25 a pack or $30 for a 24 pack it's a good buy.

From the 30 year old sibling still in college:

A Road ID. It's a great gift, cause no one wants to crash and have to be identified by the nickname "gravel ass".
Or some goggles, cause well you need em, unless you're one of those weird du-people (get outta y'here). I recommend blue seventys. ($15-$60)

From your favorite Aunt, uncle or transgender relative:

Pretty right?? Transition bags are something that every triathlete can benefit from even if it's just to stay organized for training. They range from $30 to $250, depending on how many small children you're planning on transporting to the race site.

From Mom or Dad:

The taint savior also referred to as Adamo (pronunciations vary but no one really knows how to say it) is a two pronged saddle that people swear by. If your sac of yumyums or lady hoha has ever gone numb on you, ya might wanna check these out ($80-$200). 

Also, I have not tested but hear good things about Cobb saddles.

From the significant other:

An aero helmet is something that is by no means necessary but they look cool as hell. Anyone can be a triathlete but can you look good doin it? 

A garmin on the other hand is handy as hell... it's the triathlete's swiss army knife (except it beeps, glows and wont help you open a can of chili). If you want to look at your pace every 10 seconds you can.... if you wanna analyze how high you climbed before you fell over, you can... Garmin will answer all of your obsessive compulsive inquiries. ($90-$400)

If you married rich or are a trust fund baby:

The coveted power meter. Screw race wheels... if you want improvement and you want someone to spend a butt ton of money on you, er... I mean, really show they care - ask for one of these bad boys. They start around $1500 and climb high. Ask any coach or professional triathlete though, and they'll tell you it was a good investment.